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The Path Away from Loneliness

blog May 13, 2022

What is Loneliness?

Usually, definitions of loneliness describe it as a feeling of isolation, separation or painful solitude. Whilst being alone can be desirable within reason, loneliness causes people to feel unwanted and abandoned. Lonely individuals often crave human contact, but their state of mind makes it difficult for them to form satisfactory relationships.

Separation from others goes against one of the single most important human needs - the need for connection. Lack of connection causes uncomfortable emotions, the sense of being excluded, and feelings of inadequacy. Many reach for different substances as a way to cope with the pain; however they only provide temporary relief and often perpetuate the problem.

 

Types of Loneliness

It is important to differentiate between two types of loneliness. The first one is due to changes in our external situation - bereavement, loss, breakup, changes in our environment. While all of these are painful experiences, usually time eases the suffering and conscious efforts on our part, help us create new connections.

In this article we will focus on the second kind of loneliness, the one that comes from within. This state is caused by strong negative emotions like shame and fear. We will share with you how these emotions can help us heal the loneliness within and how we can educate our children to build strong healthy connections. 

 

Loneliness as a State Of Mind

Loneliness is a widespread epidemic in our society. When we experience loneliness, we often look around ourselves thinking we are the only ones that feel this way. There is a sense of isolation and a strong notion that everyone else around us has somewhere to belong. It is difficult for people that manage to create close relationships to understand the intense feelings of suffering that lonely people experience. Victims of loneliness can exist in a ‘perpetual’ state of perceived rejection. This is often caused by wounds and traumas they carry inside themselves and is exacerbated by life’s daily struggles.

 

What Creates Loneliness?

 

Painful experiences in our past such as disapproval, discrimination and abuse cause us to feel shame and fear. In the process of socialisation, we all learn what about us is ‘considered’ acceptable. In order to fit in, we push away certain aspects of ourselves, sometimes creating a split inside us. We reject the ‘unworthy’ parts of ourselves; we ignore our expressive self, become deaf to our sensitive self, and silence our singing child within. By doing so we create separation and loneliness within us which is mirrored in our external reality. 

Due to the fragmentation inside of us we end up living in a continuous lie about who we really are. We lose our authenticity and ability to open ourselves to those around us.

 

Ways to Heal Loneliness

When we experience uncomfortable emotions such as shame, unworthiness and anger, instead of pushing them away, we need to see them as valid and important. These emotions are a road map to our rejected needs that desperately want to be heard.

Acceptance of our ‘bad’ parts is the solution to loneliness. We need to reintegrate the naughty child, the distracted student and the messy adult with all of their flaws; and get to know them intimately.

Genuine healing will bring us back together with all of our rejected aspects. To heal we need to embrace the opposite, so if the wound is ‘loneliness’ the cure is ‘connection’. Connecting fully with who we really are will help us connect with those around us. Loving and accepting ourselves will bring love and acceptance from the external world.

 

Lonely-Free Future

To heal our collective consciousness from the epidemic of loneliness we need to show our children by example the importance of connection. We need to build conscious relationships with them, recognising each other’s needs, staying present and making joint decisions. Let’s give our children a better chance of growing into adults capable of creating bridges between people. Let us be the kind of parents they can rely on. Let’s cultivate mutual respect and show them how much we appreciate them.

 

 

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